An unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.
While "working" today I had a kind of an epiphany. What if every thing I do in life is the result of me being afraid. I am easily frightened in general and this has strongly affected me throughout my life.I have never seen a horror movie. I sleep with the light on. I am literally held captive by my fear of the unknown.
What if fear is what has lead me to date people whom I have subconsciously realized will not make me happy. But the subsequent revelation that they are not going to make me happy makes it easier for me to deal with the break up. Getting your heart broken sucks. The one real time my heart was broken it was by my best friend. I let him into my heart and trusted him completely. I was shattered when that relationship ended.
I have had relationships with literally nothing but assholes since then. My heart has not been broken since then. I even had one guy tell me he treats me the way an asshole would because he knows that's what I go for.
However I long for a relationship with someone who is my equal and respects and loves me, yet I constantly turn away from these men. I settle for less that than what I deserve because it feels safer.
less passion
less emotion
less heartbreak.
Currently living in Fear
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