The End of the Road

So this is goodbye.

When I started this blog about a year and a half ago, I was at a different place personally and professionally. As I have been rereading these post it has occurred to me that I am no longer this person.

Change is inevitable and should be embraced. If everything stayed the same we would still be living in slavery for  example. In the past year and a half I have grown both professionally and personally. But I am not done, I have not achieved anywhere near my full potential.

I feel as if I have outgrown this blog as well. It was created to describe my experiences living with my significant other at the time. That relationship had to end and so now must this blog.

In this new year, I look forward to building on this momentum and growing in other ways as well. So goodbye and thanks for reading.

Currently Living in the Future Not the Past.


*** New Blog Address***

http://thefrugalistaandthedachshund.blogspot.com/

FEAR

fear

/fi(ə)r/

Noun An unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat. While "working" today I had a kind of an epiphany. What if every thing I do in life is the result of me being afraid. I am easily frightened in general and this has strongly affected me throughout my life.I have never seen a horror movie. I sleep with the light on. I am literally held captive by my fear of  the unknown. What if fear is what has lead me to date people whom I have subconsciously realized will not make me happy. But the subsequent revelation that they are not going to make me happy makes it easier for me to deal with the break up. Getting your heart broken sucks. The one real time my heart was broken it was by my best friend. I let him into my heart and trusted him completely. I was shattered when that relationship ended. I have had relationships with literally nothing but assholes since then. My heart has not been broken since then.  I even had one guy tell me he treats me the way an asshole would because he knows that's what I go for. However I long for a relationship with someone who is my equal and respects and loves me, yet I constantly turn away from these men. I settle for less that than what I deserve because it feels safer. less passion less emotion less heartbreak.       Currently living in Fear

How I Met Your Mother Lessons- Talking Yourself into Love

This is the cast from one of my all time favorite television sitcoms. It basically focuses on the triumphs and failures of 5 friends. The main premise being Ted the one in the middle is telling his future kids how he met his mother. They are on season 8 and we still do no know who mothered these kids who somehow magically have not aged the 7 1/2 years the show has been on the air.

 

Any who after getting a netflix account I have been watching every single episode of the show. Throughout the journey I have identified with differing characters throughout the show. Basically whoever was single and trying to figure out their life and career during that season. Now I'm on season 7 and Ted said something that really stuck with me.

 

YOU CAN'T TALK YOURSELF INTO LOVE

 

 

 Hindsight is 20/20 but when I think about it that is exactly what I tried to do in my last relationship. But love is something that just happens, its powerful, unpredictable, and often creates something beautiful. It is also scary. If the mere illusion of love can shatter your world and make you the title role in your very own lifetime film, then what will actual love do to you if it is removed. Then I think of one of my favorite scriptures.

 



1 Corinthians 13:4-7

New International Version (NIV)

⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.


Yes I know it is cliche but it is beautiful and true. It makes me realize when I actually do fall in love and not the illusion of love then it won't do worse than shatter my world because it won't be removed... it will persevere. Also it will be LEGEN ( wait for it) DARY

Currently being awesome in SIN.

Float On...

          Just like the last petal falling from the rose at the end of beauty and the beast,

                                        

 

                                                    I too am drifting in the wind. 

 

I recently (this past weekend) read an article about "The Drifter Phenomenon". This occurs when events in life dictate where you land. You either consciously or subconsciously allow others to make decisions for you.

 

All this time I thought myself a pioneer and in control of my fate. But how could that be when I am living in a city I hate? !                                   

                                                       

 

Unbeknownst to me I had become a victim to the drifter effect! I graduated college and jumped at the first little job offered to me because I was still in a lease and I didn't want to break it. I got in a relationship with a man I was not even attracted to just because he said he wanted along term relationship. The list goes on. Needless to say that relationship ended ( crashed and burned to be more accurate). Now while the job resulted in a promotion and a respectable salary, I am still drifting waiting on life to control where I end up. I literally was a bystander in the last two years of my own life!

 

This realization has struck me like a lightening bolt. Life is short and I'm going to spend every waking minute living it the way I want. I am truly going to be the master of my fate and the captain of my soul.

Currently sinfully taking back control of my life.

 

 

 

Period blues.

Awww the curse. You know the one. The one inherited by all the daughters of eve. Yeah that one. The curse that clearly men who are the root of all evil should really suffer for. The serpent in that damn garden was a man who was denied sex and sought revenge against all female kind. (yeah I'm going to hell for that) but I'm at an age were I'm used to having a period. So what's got me blue you ask? I was folding some clothes (on a Saturday night lame right) and I got to thinking. How does one be sexy for there live in boyfriend roommate while on your period? Like you aren't married you HAVE to keep up the magic or lets face it you are never going to get a ring? And at this age that is the ultimate goal of dating right? So how do you keep up the magic during times like this? (I'm drinking peach ciroc straight on ice excuse my thoughts)
Currently With The Curse In Sin

N-SECURE

Haven't written in awhile. But I'm still living in Sin. A bigger apartment now though. I recently went to my hometown for a few days without my boyfriend. While watching a movie with my mother I realized a horrible truth about myself. I am insecure in my relationship. This is an extremely unattractive quality to have...but on the bright side it's a step in the right direction to at least be able to freely and openly face and admit an appalling personality flaw. In my current relationship it came to light when an extremely harmless and innocent moment between my boyfriend and a mutual friend of both of ours upset me to the point that in order to prevent myself from harming either relationship I had to remove myself from the situation till I calmed down. If I was secure in my relationship I would have been able to laugh at the situation like everyone else. But I couldn't. I was enraged. Hopefully I can grow and learn from this and become secure in my relationship.
Otherwise I won't have a relationship to come home to.
Currently living INSECURELY in Sin.

Home is Where The Heart Is….Lies and Garbage

 

You know the saying “Home is where the heart is” well that is a bold faced LIE. Home is NOT where the heart is. Home is where yo ass has a key and can enter anytime you want. I have been officially moved in with “The Boyfriend” a week now and I STILL don’t have a house key….Hell after turning in the keys to my apartment I don’t have ANY keys. Do you know how embarrassing it is to have a key ring with no keys??? And imagine having to track your roommate down after a long hard stressful day at work just to gain access to your freakin house??!!

 

**Pause for wine Refill**

Doesn’t sound good does it. I may be “shackin” up but I’m old fashioned at heart, I believe as a man you get me the copy of the key to the apartment in YOUR name. *sips wine*  Its called romance. Just because I am striving to be fully independent does not mean I don’t appreciate a little romance every now and then. Men want sex… Women want Romance. it’s a proven fact.

*spills wine*

I feel like in this age of I-N-D-E-P-E-D-E-N-T romance has taken a permanent spot on the back burner. Going “dutch” is more the norm than the male paying for the date. I read novels based in the 1800’s , ok, romance is a must with me. Without I am genuinely unhappy. I bite my tongue a lot so I may NEVER say it but best believe I think it.

The key thing irks me so much tho because I have been begging for weeks for one…not subtle hints…full out groveling. I guess imma have to be independent on this matter as well and get my own damn key..

Currently living HOMELESSLY in sin……