Home is Where The Heart Is….Lies and Garbage

 

You know the saying “Home is where the heart is” well that is a bold faced LIE. Home is NOT where the heart is. Home is where yo ass has a key and can enter anytime you want. I have been officially moved in with “The Boyfriend” a week now and I STILL don’t have a house key….Hell after turning in the keys to my apartment I don’t have ANY keys. Do you know how embarrassing it is to have a key ring with no keys??? And imagine having to track your roommate down after a long hard stressful day at work just to gain access to your freakin house??!!

 

**Pause for wine Refill**

Doesn’t sound good does it. I may be “shackin” up but I’m old fashioned at heart, I believe as a man you get me the copy of the key to the apartment in YOUR name. *sips wine*  Its called romance. Just because I am striving to be fully independent does not mean I don’t appreciate a little romance every now and then. Men want sex… Women want Romance. it’s a proven fact.

*spills wine*

I feel like in this age of I-N-D-E-P-E-D-E-N-T romance has taken a permanent spot on the back burner. Going “dutch” is more the norm than the male paying for the date. I read novels based in the 1800’s , ok, romance is a must with me. Without I am genuinely unhappy. I bite my tongue a lot so I may NEVER say it but best believe I think it.

The key thing irks me so much tho because I have been begging for weeks for one…not subtle hints…full out groveling. I guess imma have to be independent on this matter as well and get my own damn key..

Currently living HOMELESSLY in sin……

ASSUMPTIONS AND BITCH-ASS-NESS

 

Where to start…..today has been one of the most stressful days of life. All because a non-mother fucking factor tried to make her ass relevant again. I can not speak for anybody so I don’t know if it was insanity or pettiness that made my EX ROOMMATE AND EX FRIENDS..HELL EX PERSON  for all I care do the shit she did…..but either way it was DEAD ASS WRONG. 4 years ago I would be at her fucking front door. Thankfully I have the maturity and sanity others OBVIOUSLY lack. However momma didn’t raise no fool…I am researching my rights and at this point pressing charges is not out of the question.

 

THE STORY

 

In the process of moving in with the boyfriend I left a few things at my old apartment as I am LEGALLY a resident of that apartment until July 31st. Last night after consuming enormous amounts of wine with my line sister (random side bar I know lol. But I love drinks with my girls)  I get the feeling like I should go check out my old apartment. I hadn’t been there since Sunday and I just KNEW something was wrong.  I get to my apartment turn the key and none of my stuff is fucking there. My plates, my cups, my stuff n the freezer, my mirror in the bedroom, shower curtains, rugs, nothing, nada, zip! My first thought is that the triffling bitch threw everything away, And I normally do not refer to other females as bitches in a derogatory way but what else do you call someone who does this??? Seriously what you call them?? Leave a comment tell me.  On top of that the apartment is not clean, Stains still n the carpet and gunk in the fridge.

As I walk back to my car I see my mirror…..laying against the fucking dumpster next to her furniture. This does nothing to ease my mind about all my stuff being in the dumpster as well. I drive around to my boyfriend’s apartment …and lo and behold there is all my shit thrown haphazardly for any mother fuckin to come by and snatch….and for all I know somebody did take some of my stuff. Talk about heated. I have never been so incensed in my life. Not only did she touched what was not hers she left it for anybody to find. We live in the HOOD that’s why we hated these apartments.

On top of that I NEVER TOLD HER ASS WHERE I WAS MOVING or anybody in her circle so she clearly has been stalking my twitter page. I can honestly say that since I created my second twitter page all those months ago I have NEVER been to her twitter page. Like my LS said on her blog she really is a non mother fucking factor. (they have their own issues)

HER STORY AKA LIES AND INSANITY

I did not directly communicate with her but from what I gathered from the conversation that happened via the only way I know to contact her was this: she said the leasing office told her I moved out and that I had signed some checkout sheet and the only way to avoid charges would be to throw my shit away and her mom suggested she put it all out n the open on my boyfriend’s doorstep.

The Truth

 

I went to my leasing office and literally interviewed the lady in charge. I’m talking bout I turned my phone into a tape recorder Lois Lane style and laid it on her desk. She told me my EX roommate informed them I had moved and filled out a check out sheet. And they had no fucking idea what she was talking about. And that they would never tell her to throw my stuff away or put it on someone’s door step.

 

 

CONCUSION

SHE WAS DEAD ASS WRONG, DELUSIONAL, AND INSANE!

I’m blessed to be rid of her.

What’s Yours is Mine and What’s Mine is Still Mine Hell

As I look around at what appears to be the remnants of a small tornado, I want to pull my extensions out!

 

Combining the possessions of two individuals into one lil ass starter 1 bedroom apartment with NO washer dryer connections (sorry side bar that has virtually nothing to do with the space and everything to do with the fact I hate coin operated laundry machines) is damn near impossible. The whole apartment has to be rearranged. Luckily my new roommate ( “The Boyfriend” ) has adopted the motto “if you like it I love it” . God bless him for that. He fought me tooth and nail over the vast amount of pink and green decorative pieces I own. Rest assured I won that fight. There are green pillows on his brown couch, a pink floor lamp in the bedroom, and frogs  in the bathroom. So far everything balances out and nothing looks tacky.  Its all about finding balance. If you think about it everything in life is about finding balance. Balancing friends, work, significant others, leisure time , cleaning,…..its like a never ending relentless struggle. Jenna.Sais.Quoi vs. The World type stuff (if you haven’t seen Scott Pilgrim vs. The World you are losing and you don’t get that reference #doublelosing). With both of us working full time there is little time or energy for us to organize our combined possessions. Ok Ok when I say OUR I really mean MINE. His stuff has been organized for a while now.

 

The biggest challenge has been throwing away things I don’t use nor need. I AM A CERTIFIED HOARDER. Whatever channel that makes that show needs to call me and offer me money to film my mess. I still have clothes from 7th grade that I never wear I just have never thrown them away.  If cleanliness is next to godliness,….. I am lap dancing in the lap of Satan.                 

As I work harder to mature and become a responsible woman I am striving to change that. I WANT to keep a clean house. And that is why having all these boxes and clothes everywhere is stressing me out. Its keeping me from my goal and I just don’t have the energy to fight it. Thankfully I don’t have to go thru this alone since I’m living blissfully in sin.  

Degree+Loans+Bills=One Hell of An Introduction

After high school they tell you to go to college and then BAM 4 years later you’ll have a degree, a job, and a husband. Well they lied. After selling my soul and countless student loans I obtained my degree in 3 1/2 years with honors. Good right? I’m “ballin” or going to grad school for free? WRONG! If that was the case I wouldn’t be writing this shit. After obediently following the path society paved for me I wound up with a job that doesn’t even require a high school diploma. And let me tell you in this economy I was happy to get that.

 

 

While my salary may be what is considered pocket change by “successful” Americans, due to having a roommate I was able to survive without much change to my everyday life.  Then the unthinkable happened…my roommate ,my absolute best friend, and I just grew apart. With a lease coming to a close and no promotion in sight I was faced with a dilemma…give up my glamorous lifestyle as a social alcoholic  (dramatics people I went to a huge party school)  and get an apartment by myself , or keep my lifestyle and move in with my boyfriend of ONLY 5 MONTHS. Which would you choose?? Personally I will take my Pinot Grigio, my Merlot, my Riesling, my boyfriend and live blissfully in sin.